Memo to Lab Staff:

I have noticed the executive sea monkeys have an excessive number of sea diamonds in their tank at the moment.  This is a reminder to lab staff that only I may dispense sea diamonds.

Additionally, I have received notice from the cleaning staff that there was a great deal of ash under the fume hood this morning.  Please do not smoke under the fume hood.

Journal of Modern Paleontological Methods, 18 (2009) 12—31 
Fedora Link Publishing House: Brussels.

RECONSTRUCTING DINOSAUR MATERIALITY THROUGH MIDDEN ANALYSIS

DR. KRISTIN VON SNEAKALOPE
Institute of Prehistoric Explorations, Yamatecho 37, Naka-ku, Yokohama 231 (Japan)

ABSTRACT

Midden analysis has long been the preferred method of reconstructing the human diet, and documenting subsistence changes through time.  However, this method has been overlooked in the study of Dinosaurs, due to erratic dietary patterning, and incongruency with general foraging models (see Von Sneakalope 2008).   New studies suggest the lack of food remains is positively correlated with the presence of material goods.  While typical human middens consist of visible food debris and occasional discarded artifacts; Dinosaur middens typically consist of discarded artifacts and the occasional food debris.  Therefore the seeming lack of data may be explained by failed methodology.  This study suggests several ways of identifying Dinosaur middens - including SAC (soil alcohol content) analyses, and the identification of diagnostic elements (including glitter, neon feathers, champagne corks, and semi-precious stones). Ideally this model can be applied toward the recognition of more Dinosaur site types and future studies of Dinosaur materiality.

Keywords: Dinosaurs, Materiality, Jaguar, Fiber Optic, Christmas Tree.

Reconsidering the use of acid-free cardboard in the repository.

The Institute for Prehistoric Explorations is pleased to announce its annual Interdisciplinary Research Conference. This year’s topic is “Jurassic Binge: Caging the Awesome.”
Below is our call for papers.


Call for Papers
Jurrassic Binge: Caging the Awesome
(http://jurassicbinge.org/)

Interdisciplinary Research Conference
Zsa Zsa Hall, University of San Francisco

March 22-24, 2009

Keynote address by Dr. Kristin Von Sneakalope

Timetable
Deadline for abstract submission: March 15, 2009.
Notification of acceptance: March 18, 2009.
Submission of final papers: March 20, 2009.
Pre-circulation of papers: March 21, 2009.
Conference: March 22-24, 2009.

While entoptic phenomena have long been a focus of anthropological research, their relevance outside homosapiens has been largely unexplored.  Jurassic Binge: Caging the Awesome seeks to bring together biological and paleontological data on altered states of consciousness.  Following Dr. Von Sneakalope’s ground breaking study on modern dinosaur behavior in the Grid, researchers in other fields have begun to explore evidence of both modern and ancient psychedelic experiences.  In particular, the ability of modern primates to control the weather, and the possible link between jaguars and fiber optics, will addressed.

ABSTRACTS FORMAT

Please submit an abstract (200-300 words) and a cover letter, in which you
briefly explain your reasons for attending the conference and state how the
paper is relevant to your research.  Co-authored papers are welcome.
Deadline: March 15, 2009.
Accepted panelists will be notified by March 18, 2009.
Any questions should be directed to: http://www.winodino.tumblr.com

“ Seeking interns for spring quarter. Responsibilities include sorting, archiving, and caring (lovingly) for executive sea monkeys. Please contact department for details. ”

The Science of the Jurassic Environment, 52 (2008) 93—107 
Elsevier Science Publishers B.V., Amsterdam — Printed in The Netherlands

A BRIEF ETHNOGRAPHIC OVERVIEW OF MODERN DINOSAUR POPULATIONS

DR. KRISTIN VON SNEAKALOPE
Institute of Prehistoric Explorations, Yamatecho 37, Naka-ku, Yokohama 231 (Japan)

ABSTRACT

The modern dinosaur ranges throughout North America and occasionally overseas.  Although many nest in California, the densest population is found in The Grid.  Dinosaurs can live in large or small sparkly nests with 1-3 inhabitants.  Although they may live and hunt alone, they congregate frequently for social exchange and ritual practice.  Dinosaur populations are entirely female but frequently keep a consort of human males.  Contrary to optimal foraging theory, dinosaurs to not rank food choices on caloric yield, nutritional value, or taste/variety.  Rather, they choose foods based on shape, color, and toxicity.  This has been blamed for several common dinosaur maladies, including scurvy, malnourishment, and excessive drunkenness.  The following paper outlines subsistence and settlement patterns among modern populations with three specific case studies from California. 

Keywords: Dinosaurs, Subsistence, Glitter, Glitter, Monkey, Glitter.

Currently archiving specimens for my upcoming Prehistoric Neon Sharks exhibit.